04th Oct 05. Mount Abu

Once I asked her "What if one day, I would like to leave everything, including films and would do something different or just become a wonderer, then would you still support me?" She calmly replied, "It would depend on the intensity of your desire."

One year passed since I left America, on 2nd Oct, Gandhiji's b'day and with a beautiful co-incidence I was in Sabarmati ashram (Gandhi ji's ashram in Ahmedabad), day before yesterday again on 2nd Oct. There's a great force, which attracts me to Gandhi Ashram. Part of it is tremendous love of Jayesh bhai, Anarben and family in Manav Sadhna and part of it is unknown.

"Given another chance, would you have traveled with someone else, in this one year journey?" asked Nipun, Guri and Viral in their grueling interview session in Baroda. What a privilege. These true pilgrims were asking me about my small journey.

"May be I needed to find myself before I could give completely myself to her". And then life itself is a journey, so many more coming to be walked together.

In togetherness today.

27th Sep 05. Osho Commune (Resort ), Pune.

" We don't want to be part of this Film, because there are other, so called 'saints' here, if you want to make a separate film on Osho, then you are welcome." Said by a senior spokes person in Osho meditation resort, to me when I requested to take someone's interview to reflect the thoughts of Osho Rajneesh. A greatest thinker of his time, someone who fascinated me since childhood.

Two prominent things I noticed here, 1st isn't not being part of an organization makes you a part of your own organization and thus narrowing your seeking. Osho as I know had studied all the cultures, religions and Vedas and thus came to his own thought process which was accumaltion of everything. So why this rejection now, isn't everything is an Advait? or maybe I cannot see something from where I am now. And secondly I noticed Osho commune's name has been changed to Osho Meditation Resort. True to its name it really felt like a resort and less of a meditation commune. Sadly a person who, all is life fought to follow any dogma has now been made himself into a rigid dogma by his admirers and followers, just like everyone else.

Today in observation.

24th Sep 05 Kanchi math, Tirupathi (A.P)

"So you will ask the questions, handle the camera, do the editing, everything done by you, so you are Advait, all in one and one in all."
His holiness Sri Shankaracharya Jayendra Saraswati, one of most senior saints in Hinduism, smilingly said this to me. Again felt very blessed to take his interview. Babuji (my grandfather) was almost in tears with extreme happiness, when I told him about meeting Shankaracharya and other great saints.

Before starting this journey, I was always apprehensive with the word "saint". When there is a God in you, God in me and a god in everyone, then why do we need Gurus and Saints? But now with little bit of understanding, I deeply respect the journey they had, the knowledge they have seeked and for living in tune with God every moment. Although I feel we do go overboard in following them, blinding ourselves by rituals & religions & mistakenly accept them as a God rather seeing the God within them.

Vivekananda sums it all here:
" Never forget the glory of human nature. We are the greatest God. Christs & Buddhas are but waves on the boundless ocean, which "I AM".

In Advait today.

23rd Sep 05. Tirumala (Tirupati, A.P)

"When we have the potential of achieving moksha then why do we have the natural desire to indulge in sin?" I asked this to H.H. Sri Sri Ravishankar, founder of Art of living, in his Bangalore based ashram, 'Because we are all attracted to opposites" He smilingly replied.

I had the rare privilege to take his interview (although a very short one). Heart was sad for while but then consoled it thinking at least I got to meet him. I felt he was in complete bliss most of the time, his face radiating love and happiness, full of Karuna (compassion) and had presence like of Radha & Krishna together in him.
I remember I was in ecstasy when I got the longest reply to my question to H.H. Dalai Lama and now felt incredibly low with such a short interview of Sri Sri Ravishankar. I realized it was so easy to absorb negativity when mind is not centered. It's always tough to train our monkey mind and be in centre of ourselves.

In effort to be in centre today.

30th Aug 05. Golden Temple, Amritsar.

I know it's there, I can feel it but cannot find it. The harder I try, the further it goes.
"You have to let it go Madhu," said Meghna. " The best moments captured through camera are spontaneous, the moment we try to find it or create it through mind, it looses its innocence".
It's like silence, you utter its name and it's gone. knowing this truth, I tend to forget it, usually when overwhelmed by the incredible experience of a moment, such as now of watching the magnificent Golden temple. In that moment I try hard to photograph it in an unusual way, something different and in that excitement I lose its purity, and thus blocking the universe to reveal its magic.
A quote I read today sums it all:
"One foot is rooted in things we understand: But the other rests in a realm of deep, dark mystery, a place far beyond the knowledge of mankind". -Atharva Veda
In letting go today.

27th August' 05. ISKCON Temple, Vrindavan

Hare Rama Hare Rama. Rama Rama Hare Hare. Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare.

Krishna Bal ram temple (ISKCON) echoed with this mahamantra chant. My long time wish to see Janmashtmi, in the birth land of Krishna, came true this year. Hundreds of people packed every temple in Mathura and Vrindavan.

As time was approaching towards midnight, the time when Krishna was born, the energy everywhere became vibrant. Everyone seemed to be in a state of bliss, chanting loudly and dancing while waving their hands in air. Most of the singers were foreigners but it made no difference. They sang from their soul. The chanting was so pure that you can almost feel it in your body, heart and soul. In that moment of ecstasy nothing else existed, but just you and Krishna. For the longest time, smilingly I looked at his statue in the temple and strongly felt his presence in me.

In being with him today. :)

12.08.05. Parasnath temple. Parasnath.

Walking! Today I experienced, sitting on a hilltop, in front of sacred Jain temple of Parasnathji, why is walking recommended during a pilgrimage. It's believed, this is the place where Parasnath experienced enlightenment.
Woke up today at 2:30am (big challenge for a lazy person like me) and after shower at 3:00am started the 11 km barefoot walk uphill towards this temple situated at 1366 m. In the beginning every little step was difficult but when I saw a 70 yrs young person to 5 yr kids walking I felt old and thus got more courage. Walking connects with your soul and now I appreciate much more the saints, seekers and everyone who have walked their path and how lucky and blessed my friends Guri and Nipun are to be walking all over India. I can't forget the beautiful words Nipun wrote on his diary about walking " when you walk, one foot rests while other works".

Today in Rest and yet in Work.

11.08.05. Mahabodhi temple. Bodhgaya.

Restlessness to move forward yet thinking what experienced in the past "now", most of our experience becomes part of us sub-consciously and it shapes us, without even us realizing it. Our soul takes what it needs and in turn becomes the voice of our choices later. Mind tries to rationalize what we gain from our Journey and can be sometimes brutal analyzing the physical out put but at the same time our soul, slowly absorbs the experience of our pilgrimage and then creates the change within. This Journey or pilgrimage is not just physical tour we take to different places but it is our life as whole where we make different choices, following our dreams in day-to-day life. We are all on a pilgrimage of life, just walking different paths.
We are all on Journey to the unknown, which begins here in "Now" and also ends here in "Now".

In walking different paths.

10.08.05. Mahabodhi temple. Bodhgaya.
Karma yoga or Bhakti yoga, which path is greater? I used to always ask this to my self. I always had this bad habit of comparing, which should not be done as we all know "All is one and one is All". But then mind is like a child it never stops asking questions. The difference between the two (although there is none) was illustrated beautifully in a story I came across in Internet. Have you noticed a female monkey and a lioness and the way they hold their babies while walking? Baby monkey clings to her motherÕs chest and he would fall if he leaves it thus requiring equal participation from him. On the other hand, a lioness holds her baby from the neck requiring the baby to surrender completely to his mother and offer no resistance knowing he is safe.
Karma yoga is similar to the state of baby monkey where a person performs his duty to survive in this world, earn his livelihood through physical work and supports his family and Bhakti yoga is the path of renunciation like the state of baby lion where one surrenders his life to God. "Mother" representing God in both cases.
What I realize was that none of them is greater, there is a difference between the both and yet there is none. Both participate, one by "holding" to the God and another by "surrendering" to it. They are different paths, different states of mind and difference of opinions and yet they both are closer to God. "Mother" knows no difference.
So we choose, which path do we want to go on with an understanding that choice should be based not on rejection of other path but by acceptance of it because both lead to the God and thus realizing "All is one and one is All".

In his presence.

06.08.05. Samanvay Ashram, Bodhgaya.

Who is greater, the person who gives or the one who receives? I asked Dwarkoji. Obviously we know it's "Giver" but I wanted to know the real difference between the two. When a yogi or a Bhikshu receives food and donation from others to survive, then is he being a burden to the society or is he giving an opportunity to serve to the "Giver" by willing to "take" from him and thus contributing to the society by his sadhna and spreading Good energy?
He replied: There's no Giver in real sense. We have all received infinitely from the universe since our birth that there's no comparison to what we can give. We should receive but without any expectation and try to give much more than we received. Be humble during giving and think not you're superior but as one with him. It's an Illusion that we can give. So let's be thankful to what we have received and to what we can give.

In Thankfulness.

05.08.05. Mahabodhi temple. Bodhgaya.

And they ask me, why do I want to travel? Why do I want to make a film on spirituality? What's its use?
What's the use of anything anyway? Yet everything has a purpose. Why do I do this because this is the closest I can feel the life. Every moment is a miracle when you shoot a documentary film. Life reveals itself to you, magic begins and unexpected happens. For e.g. today I was taking a close-up shoot of a Hen. She was facing the other side, my camera was on, waiting patiently for a moment and then suddenly she turned her head majestically and looked right into the camera. Ah it was a moment; I can never forget those eyes again. No wonder, Italian filmmaker "Fellini" never had a script. He always believed in the intensity of the moment. Not creating but experiencing and how do we experience it? By learning how to "See". Seeing beyond looking and thatÕs what I aspire to learn and thatÕs why I want to travel.
It was difficult initially to videotape people randomly without their permission and thus invading their privacy and the 1st time I felt it intensely was when I took photos of a person passed away in an old age home for my photography class. I felt very guilty doing it and expressed it to my Instructor, and he said this which changed my perception forever: "It's what you feel is important" he said "If your purpose is to take advantage for your story then Quit photography now, but if it's to uplift Human Spirit then go out and capture life and show it to the world".
In being able to Feel.

04.08.05. Under Bodhi tree. Bodhgaya.

"Shankaracharaya, the great Hindu saint of India was once walking on the streets. Suddenly from nowhere a huge elephant runs towards him. In haste, Shankaracharaya moves out of his way. A passerby, who witnessed this, mockingly asks him: O divine one, when this entire universe is an Illusion, and this elephant running after you is also an Illusion then why are you afraid? Shankaracharaya smilingly replies-Isn't your witnessing my running also not an Illusion?" So what's real to be in the illusion or to witness it? Or Both? To be in it and yet witness it and understanding the difference between the both is the divine one.
Life is always the balance, and to create it, always the attempt would be. To be supple like a snake and hard like a rock, calm and compassionate as if being a small lake yet roaring with passionate energy like an ocean. Attempt to just be in the moment and yet living dreams to create magnificent tomorrow. How else this life could be? So beautiful, so mysterious.

In this Mystery.

02.08.05. Varanasi.
Time to say good bye to Varanasi and move on. Weather is hot here and thus in few hours body is exhausted. Streets are over crowded due to current religious Hindu month. City is full of Shiva devotees from all around India. In spite of all this, city is enchanting and there's always something new to discover. Tomorrow morning leaving for Bodhgaya. Never get tired of that place. As Dwarkoji had said, this place is really sacred as it attracted Buddha and gave him enlightenment. There's a peaceful energy radiating that place. Looking forward to meet the kids in Samanvay along with Dwarkoji. In a fiction novel I recently read, an observer calls Varanasi "City of Death". As people find it a privilege to die here and be cremated. A city where cremation fire is always burning. An interesting observation. At the same time I also believe its "City of Life" as it has survived in spite of being destroyed several times by moguls. It's just like a Grand pa's face. Full of wrinkles yet radiating with love and compassion.
In Living.

01.08.05 Tulsi Ghat. Varanasi

“If this body won’t Go with you, then who else do you rely on. Nobody is yours neither friend, family nor foe.’’
I read this in a Jain temple in Sarnath and then happen to witness it in real in Manikarnika ghat, Varanasi, where 24 hrs corpses are cremated. Varanasi being the most religious & holy city for Hindu, pilgrims from all over the world come to experience this thousands of years old ancient city. What is that I like about Benaras, somebody asked me It’s the “energy’’ I replied when you come here you instantly feel belonged to these old alleys. It’s as if you have come here before.
Not to be explained but just felt. Today I took three interviews of saints from different sects or paths in Hinduism. Thrilled as project is moving forward and taking a shape. Have started experiencing the charm of Varanasi as the city slowly unveils herself.

In unveiling.

31.07.05 Sarnath
We have to walk alone, we would have been born in groups if it was other way. I was questioning The purpose of my journey and then suddenly I read this quote : “the pain would cease down, may be after a moment ,day, month or a year and would change into something else but if we quit , it would last forever” by lance Armstrong so I move on enjoying The unknown . Alone sitting under a shade of tree surrounded by remains of Buddhist monasteries and in Front of me is the grand 3o m. Stupa 2000 year old. This unknown is beautiful.
My subject is so vast that I really don’t know how The film would be made as most of the Hindu Religious Guru’s don’t give personal Interviews due to their godly image but I have to try because the way I got Dalai Lama’s interview, who knows what more miracles are hidden there but I have to make that effort and take the step because when we do that a whole new world unfolds.
In taking that step.

28.07.05 Aghor Ashram, Varanasi.
I again ate meat today. Like always felt guilty but did it again. This goat was an offering to the gods in this ashram. Here they follow Aghor Path, where sadhaks pray goddess Shakti, do secret tantric meditations and are non-vegetarians. They have their own way to channelise their energy for the development of humanity. I was in the presence of a senior Avadhoot Aghori. They believe him to be God, like all other ashrams believe for their guru’s. I couldn’t take his interview, as he did not want it.
Today is my 3rd day in Varanasi, had come back home from Dharamshala for a while.Varanasi is a city bustling with energy. 1st day you don’t like it, but slowly it enchants you with its mystery and charm. I have to yet discover it. Why do in a journey we seem to find ourselves getting further from our loved ones. We are changing no doubt and this change takes time to be accepted.
In accepting the change.

06.07.05. MC. Lodgunj. (Dalai Lama ji’s birthday).
H.H. Dalai lama ji spoke to me today. I am blessed. Every creation in this universe is blessed and I feel it strongly today. Today was his b’day and it’s very rare when he meets anyone on this day but this year he did. It’s been raining heavily since morning as if Gods celebrating too. Thousands of people with their umbrella are gathered in main temple just to get a glimpse of him. I was lucky to manage a pass to be with press group and thus photograph him very closely. After the event there was a press conference and H.H. answered few questions. He started with “I don’t have much to say, I know just to smile”. This moment was pure bliss. He radiated full of love and compassion. My heart melted just in his presence. Some how I mustered up enough courage to ask him a question: “His highness, I am an independent freelance film maker and I wanted to know how could all the religions could come together”.
He smiled and started with “we should all go for a lunch together”. And then he flawlessly with passion and spark in his eyes spoke about 3 basic values of life “Truth, love and compassion”. Constantly looking at me while answering he gave me special attention. With video camera in one hand trying to capture the moment (trying my best not to shake with excitement), and in another hand trying to be present in that moment itself was a big struggle. I was in Awe and all could do was smile and bow down in reverence.
Later the event organizer told me in surprise that Dalai Lama ji gave maximum time to me, making me feel flattered. I cried with joy and was too overwhelmed to shoot any further events. With the miracle I had just experienced I hurried to share this moment with my loved ones on phone, but couldn’t explain it as this moment could be just felt. It’s all a beautiful Omen.
In Bliss.

05.07.05. Chinar.
A beautiful morning starts and I finally make my decision. How do I know it’s right? Because I get excited as I think about it. I am traveling, an extensive all India in 3 months. The goal is to meet people from all walks of life and ask them what do they think Sin & Zen is. From an artist, social worker, prostitute, politician, priest, rickshaw wallah, to any and everyone. Use camera as a paintbrush, let it go without holding back anything. Think it to be writing a diary with camera. Capture moments, capture life, and capture soul. Learn to see, beyond seeing. This is your moment, won’t get another so easily, so do your best and experience. Experience life and then after December you can take a break and take a job for a while. Think it as if you are doing internship under life itself. What better Guru then life? Surrender to the unknown and let the magic begin. Don’t worry about the results, do it for yourself, and the universe would reveal itself.
In unknown Revelation.

04.07.05. Chinar. Dharamshala.
Choice! Like always, have to make one today. An important one. Either I go back tomorrow to Delhi and back to my hometown and try to finish “Little prince”(narrative feature film) or continue traveling for extensive 3 months making this “Sin & Zen” film. I have to commit to one, as by December I should take a job for a while. Both are ambiguous, and whatever I choose, I should do with complete dedication with no turning back. I ask God to give me a sign to help me make my decision and within half an hour I saw a movie poster of “Motor Cycle Diaries” playing in local video house in Mc Lodgunj. Saw the late night show 9-11 pm. I think heart is in traveling so might continue the journey also would sleep over the thought and would let it sink in. on 6th July its H.H Dalai lama ji’s birth day, there might be celebration but it will be difficult to see him, so I was lucky to see him yesterday. Hope to move on from here.
In moving.

03.07.05. Mc Lodgunj. (H.P) [Chinar guest house, bhagusa]
H.H. Dalai lama smiled at me today. This felt so much like watching Mona Lisa painting, where ever you look it from it feels like she is watching you. In same way, when in the crowd of thousand monks, when I saw him from very near, for a fraction of moment I felt I had an eye contact with him and he smiled. A smile full is of compassion, love and child like. Very very rare.
Today was the 1st day in Dharamshala and I got a place in a hill top, surrounded with mountains, a small cottage, very inexpensive, truly a small heaven. 2 kms from Mc Lodgunj, in Bhagusa village called chinar soul home. True to its name, it takes a good long walk and climb; to go there but it’s all worth it. There doesn’t seem a possibility of interview with H.H Dalai lama at such a short notice. May be I should keep traveling without being caught up in outcome. More than the film the experience is incredible, or let it come whatever it may be.
In letting.

01.07.05. Shanti Kunj Haridwar
“Beginner’s luck”, that’s what it is called, we are always lucky when we start a journey and then we are severely tested. Those who are fit survive, rest quit. It’s my 5th day today in Shanti Kunj Haridwar. For some reason I don’t like it. Not good energy. Its full of people everywhere, it’s supposed to be a Sadhna centre but I can hardly feel the space for it or may be I am wrong. It could be different kind of energy. Full of life a living meditation may be. But in short, for some reason I am not comfortable and look forward to go from here possibly to Dharamshala, my next stop. Dress code here is yellow/saffron dhoti kurta but does it affect the mind also. If God is in everything than why a particular color of dress, or a God. Seems like every organization or saints have made there own dress code. Intentions are good but is execution right? Is there a co-relation between words and deeds?
In creating co-relation.

30.06.05. Kankhal, Haridwar.
Why is it important to go on a pilgrimage? From Vivekananda to every saint, from Gandhi to Coelho, All went on a journey. Symbolically it could be journey to within. In order to better understand ourselves and then be of service to world. Sitting in the shade of a tree as I write this, looking at flowing Ganga and mountains far off, what better life could be? But we still keep looking; looking for something we ourselves don’t know. What takes to be a master or are there any? Its cool to take a journey, we all want it but we know it’s difficult, I am feeling it too. However I have no reason to do so. I got sufficient money, time and all I need is courage. That proves one thing, the universal truth, that we can all follow our dreams as long as we want it. We give different excuses of money, resources and duties but they are all secondary. But we all get hesitant when given the opportunity to follow our dreams, because we cant believe it can really come true so scared we step back and look at others who are walking and think with envy. “They are lucky”.
In being lucky.

25.06.05. Himalaya Ashram.
This world could be divided into several ‘Wells’ .We like a frog get to choose are our own well .In Bilaspur everyone seems to talk about money and becomes materialistic well, in Sabarmati and around I witnessed social work well, In Himalayas here I see Godly spiritual well .So in short this entire world is one big well and consists within it several small well .We being the frogs decide the world according to our own well, And think everyone is like that. But again we are little superior frogs, as every well has a opening on top, thus we can choose to witness different wells (or worlds) but it takes lot of effort to go out of our own well as we become comfortable with it, and would not want to go out believing all well’s are same. Traveling to different wells is our dream, but since we are scared to follow it we think our well is our destiny.
In traveling different wells.

23.06.05. Kalyan Ashram. Himalayas.
‘Kahan se aaye ho’ (where have you came from?). This is a general question everyone asks everyone here and then talk little bit about weather .It started raining since yesterday, so its cooler now. Time 5:15 pm, a Pundit from Kanpur is starting ‘Ram Katha’ in lawns.
Today I did my 1st interview with Kalyan baba. Started with touching his feet and bowing down to his experience & Karma.
Went on a walk at 4:30 am with him. I have also been taking part in evening prayers .I am starting to get comfortable with this place and people here, so now its time to move on being unattached to another unknown place. Pilgrimage is so good for soul .It teaches us to be humble, make direct contact with life, understanding that strangers are just friends we haven’t met and to move on with life.
In moving.

22.06.05. Himalayas
I am here. Why? Yet to know. But I am here. From Haldwani it took 4 hrs in bus to reach ‘Dhol’ village .The driver dropped me in front of narrow path going down in mountains, saying ‘go straight you’ll find the Ashram. This is a short route’. With a heavy backpack and a camera box in my hand, I slowly went down, in the unknown path (There was hardly any path, symbolizing my real life) toward the deep woods .As predictable and natural it seem, I lost my way. And I wandered in faint path (possibly made by grazing cows). For a long time till I found a road which was going both ways. Which one to take?
Finally reached Himalaya Dev Sthan Ashram and met Kalyan baba, who had asked me to come here when I was in Bilaspur. This was all yesterday. Today and now I am sitting next to the Temple in the ashram, thinking where to go from here? Again in front of road going both ways.

17.05.05
Going to Himalayas? Should be exciting why? Would know .We know we have to follow our dreams, but what they are sometimes became blur .I want to become a film maker but not Am I now .To be is God to become is human. Said a saint from Matar in Gujarat .So here I be, be a filmmaker and be a dreamer. Dream to go beyond dreams, in being what I have never been, feel which I have never known .Why Am I making this trip? Did I always want to do this? Or is it just a kick? Or something is waiting? Or there’s nothing to wait as everything is in Now, as again just ‘To be is God’. So we have to go and nowhere to go, we have to dream that our soul has already dreamt, we have to feel which we are already doing now.
So just ‘BE’

09.06.05 In Ahmdebad (Sughad).
When there’s a calling you go .You don’t know why but you just go. Going in unknown has always been exciting. But society trains us to fear any kind of excitement and consider it as a sin .We all want it but we dare it .To dare is to let go of all belief and trust in universe. Who am I? What’s my role in universe? Where do I go? All evergreen questions and lot of intellectual answers. But answer is within us in a form of a question. What is Sin what is Zen, all relative different state of mind .Why do I want to make films, or for matter anything? I have to give that answer, however difficult it may be. Everything is interesting so we choose to what we resonate .We don’t do it for others but for ourselves. Once we accept this selfish desire, we become selfless.

21.02.05 Manav sadhna, Sabarmati Ashram Ahmedabad

It’s already been 4 days I came here. Why? Is unknown. Nipun, Guri, Mark & John from Charity Focus came for an open end journey to India. Me trying to finish Dwarkoji’s film to present it on Thursday. What after that?
Manav Sadhna seems to be a cool organization. Idea is not to be bound by an organization but a concept. The concept to spread love wherever we are. It’s like flowing water .You try to tap it and it gets bad .Our life is like that too. Free spirit, try to put a mask and you’ll suffocate. Love, Truth, Non Violence; 3 biggest messages which consists his whole life. We follow this and we reach nearest to God itself.